Hell-icopter Parents: 8th Grade Girl Friendships

Yesterday was, again, a snow day. All this time snowed in is really not helping.

In any case, Chloe has been edgy and demanding, but nothing like over the weekend.

She asked me on Sunday to not ask her how things were at school for a few days. She would bring it up. I agreed, unless I saw that she was particularly out of control. She agreed to that.

Last night, driving to her exercise class, she asked if she could ask a question. She asked if we were ever “really friends with the Lacks family”. I said yes, that daddy and I thought they were our friends. I told her that for a while, they thought we were a lot like them, but as they got to know us, they saw that we were very different. When they realized that we were not open to being saved by Jesus, they realized they could not change us and this became a deal breaker for them.

She told me then that she had seen Mr. D., the principal, the day before. She told me he was very nice and told a couple of stories and asked a few questions about how she was doing.

She then told me she went back to her next class (lunch? not sure) a bit late. Kids asked where she’d been and she told them. She said that Gia said that she (Chloe) must be in trouble. Chloe said that she wasn’t.

Gia, according to Chloe, looked at her and said that yes, Chloe was in trouble and that was why she was going to Mr. D.

Chloe then said she told Emily (another girl) the whole story about everything and why she was talking to Mr. D.

She told me last night at bedtime that she thinks that she will likely never socialized with anyone from School again. No reason given. I didn’t probe. I am learning it best to listen and when she asks me for my thoughts, then speak — and not a lot (which is extremely hard for me!).

I asked her if there was any backlash from my having had a conversation with Mimi’s mom about social stuff at School. She said no. She said that Mimi is the only one who tells her she wants her to stay for next year — their freshman year in high school.

The alleged big problem was the closeness and exclusivity that Chloe and Gia had. Mr. Lacks told me how unhappy he was with their closeness. Said it led to bad outcomes when girls start dating boys. I always felt they thought it was Chloe’s doing — her jealousy that was keeping them so close. Yet Gia seems to definitely be hanging with more people, but she nonetheless is very close with Mimi and spending a lot of time with Mimi at school and outside of school. Not Chloe and Gia close. But very close. And Chloe is close with no one. This, too, is like elementary school. Seemingly everyone thought it was Chloe who was the problem, yet when she left public school, the power players continued to rule and destroy.

My instincts still are telling me that Gia has been told by her parents that she must be completely cut off from Chloe.

I am breathing in and out. I am smiling. I am choosing to focus on how I am handling what is happening. My values are calm and love. For myself. Then my child. Then every body else I come into contact with. I am understanding of myself and all others that we are all doing the best we can in this experience of being human.

by Susie Green

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